cynicaldeino:

pipermccloud:

onceuponaphan-lockedtardis:

capri-sunqueen:

thereisnoneedtocallmesir:

spacefaringviking:

ate-wapakels69:

Human: the day i run a marathon is the day i die.

Alien: *makes note to keep human away from marathons*

Weeks later

Human: Just got back from a marathon!

Alien: *SCREECH*

Human: Dude, when you hear this you’ll shit bricks!

Alien: *Eye tendrils flex* I-i-i’d prefer if you wouldnt tell me, thank you.

Human when it is hot: “I will fucking fight the sun”

Alien: “Please don’t. And you know that that isn’t possible”

-

Human: “If you say that one more time I will kill you”

Alien: “REQUESTING BACK UP, THE HUMAN WANT TO KILL EACH OTHER, I DON’T KNOW WHY”

-

Human: “Quit scaring me like that, you gave me a heart attack”

Alien: “Why aren’t you going to the hospital yet?”

“Oh god when I show my parents my report card they are going to kill me!!!”

“CONTROL CENTRE YES WE NEED ALL EYES ON THE HUMAN’S BIRTHLINGS I THINK THEY ARE PLANNING A HOMICIDE-”

I laughed waaayyyy too hard at the ‘eye tendrils twitching’

“Its raining cats and dogs!”

“I don’t see any of your domesticated animals falling from the sky..” 

“I could eat a horse.”

“But, that doesn’t seem possible due to proportional differences.”