misskaitymonster:

murdershegoat:

i was just so overcome with the thought of a twilight stage musical that i think it might be a premonition 

Oh my God I’m sorry I gotta:

• The opening number is the prologue, a soliloquy Bella sings about the power of love and death. Has a lot of vague mentions of Edward’s hair and eyes. She is planted on a turning stage walking slowly as the sun sets behind her.
• Charlie sings a song about his daughter and how unprepared he is to parent a teenage girl but it doesn’t matter because the sun has finally returned to Forks and how being Dad is much better than being Chief.
• “Welcome to Forks” an ensemble number led by Jessica, who spends the entire time gossiping about her peers and Mike and Eric definitely come hit on Bella during it and Angela has one line and it’s “Welcome to Forks”. She is the only one to say it the entire number.
• An ENTIRE SONG called “La Tua Cantante” where Edward freaks out about Bella in class. The bell rings halfway through the number and the set quickly switches to the Cullens’ as Carlisle joins in and explains about “the singers”. V Evan Hansen-esque melancholy harmonies and chords.
• Mike Newton always inexplicably hackysacks across the stage when he appears, he then takes Bella’s books and walks her to the office when school ends. Edward is there and pissed as hell.
• “Welcome to Forks” reprise dung by Bella when Edward misses school for a week. She sings about how she has no reason to think so, but she’s pretty sure he hates her and left on her account.
• “Biology” a duet where Edward and Bella try to outdo each other with mitosis projects, singing about how they’re feeling. Edward is singing about how good she smells and how he can control his Biology and Bella is singing about how beautiful he is but he’s a jerk so she needs to control her Biology.
• The entirety of act 1 not a single Cullen child speaks but Edward, but you hear them in VO in Edward’s head sometimes, Rosalie is pissed.
• The car crash is a dance break
• Edward tells her it’s better if they aren’t friends, it’s deffo a “Biology” reprise
• The beach scene is Jake singing a song called Cold Ones. The actors do background work to show the story visually.
• Act 1 closes with Edward saving Bella and taking her to dinner. He sings all the answers to her questions. As they near Forks, you can hear the Cullens harmonizing with Edward in his head. All except Rosalie.
• Act 2 opens with ANOTHER “Welcome to Forks” reprise where Jessica is still gossiping but now it’s about Bella and the Cullens and what the hell is going on????
• Anna Kendrick reprises her iconic role as Jessica
• The Meadow is a duet. Bella asks Edward “like a spidermonkey?” when he tells her to hop on his back. He goes, “no. That’s weird.”
• “Meet the Cullens” is a family song. Rosalie has one line: “send for me when she’s gone” Bella sings about being nervous and the Cullens mostly sing about how happy they are that Edward is acting happy that depressed bitch
• Baseball is a number interrupted by the hunters.
• James sings a number about hunting and the thrill of the chase as Bella flees to Phoenix
• When Bella escapes Jasper and Alice she sings an opening reprise and finally starts walking around the turntable as the sun sets. But Edward joins in on harmonies as he searches for her.
• FIGHT NUMBER
• Edward sings a soliloquy about whether or not he’s strong enough to stop Bella’s change
• The closing number is “Prom (Impasse)” about how Edward doesn’t want to change Bella and Bella wants to be changed. Everyone joins in on the parts about how they’ll always be young forever and Prom will never end. Victoria sings a reprise of James’s hunting song woven in.
• Alice is a SOPRANO like holy hell her final note in the closing number busts your ears
• Edward definitely plays her lullaby and you recognize it as being part of the music whenever he sings
• Bella’s songs all include some mention of a questionable line of dialogue from the book or movie: “say it out loud” “so the lion fell in love with the lamb”
• Bella dances along but manages to trip or stumble the entire time
• I FORGOT BLOOD TYPING they definitely have a song about how Bella hates blood when he takes her to the nurse and Edward has a few throwaway lines in it about how incredibly ironic that is.
• Tyler Crowley, Mike, and Eric all have a number about the New Girl and how cute she is. Jessica hears the entire thing and runs off to tell Lauren.
• Charlie unabashedly hates the hell out of Edward and is not subtle about it
• Renee leaves crazy voicemails sung on Bella’s machine
• Alice and Jasper have a duet about family when they’re watching Bella in Arizona. Maybe a “Meet the Cullens” reprise
• Bella tells Edward she loves him and he says “You are my life now” and she goes “that doesn’t count Dracula, you have to say it back.”
• The turning stage is put to use to make the Cullens seem crazy fast
• They use a fly whenever Edward jumps
• The Cullens all have crazy white stage makeup but manage to still look good????? Maybe it shimmers a lil
• When Edward is Diamond Man Bella makes a comment about having “my own personal disco ball”
• No one ever says the word “vampire”